First Comes Love….Then Comes Marriage….

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It’s been a while since I’ve updated!! I think the last post was made up of fit men and Jersey Boys…. Well, I don’t think. I know, Because that is the theme of most of the posts on this site. Also, since that post …I may or may not have seen Jersey Boys again once or twice. But for once…. I’m not here to say about how good and sexy all that stuff was, I’m here to talk about some other things.

I am here to give my opinion on which none of you will give a fuck on the worlds big issues. The world which we live in currently does indeed have issues. For the most part, I try to be a positive person. I really….REALLY…. try. It just doesn’t always work out that way.

Snap judgement. A snap judgement is a common thing. Do you guys ever look at someone and ‘think’ something about them when you know precisely zero facts about them? I have before. I have looked at people and made a judgement in my mind. And that makes me a shitty person because we shouldn’t be judging anyone. But the judging in my mind is where it stops. Because if I were to say it out loud….. that would make me an awful kind of human baked bean and nobody needs that. When snap judgements are spoken out loud, that is when people get hurt. It becomes dangerous.

The other day, as I stood behind the counter at Superdrug, looking out at the grey, rainy and miserable day….. a customer walked up to snap me out of my daydream about having a coffee with Hugh Jackman. (Fine, I was having mind sex with him, but that isn’t what is important here….. keep up people.) The customer was a lady who looked to be in her late sixties (I could of course, be totally wrong……), she was wearing an outfit like people wear for horse riding…. and she had an air of snootiness about her.

I put on my best smile that has broken a thousand hearts this year alone (Not really……) and packed away her items she had just purchased in a bag. She looked out at the dreary weather and sighed.

“Oh gosh, it’s such a mare to have this weather when you line dry. I line dry everything. I have no time for tumble dryers and the sorts. Line drying makes everything so much fresher you know.”

I nod politely while handing her the bag. She then thinks it appropriate to lean over the counter, invading my personal space and gave me a patronizing grin.

“Of course, you wouldn’t know about that would you. I expect your Mummy does it all for you.”

Yes, she used the word Mummy. I blinked in shock, wondering if I was hearing things. I managed to stumble out a ‘Huh?’ …. She rolled her eyes.

“Your Mummy. I expect she does all your washing so you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about. You young girls of 16-18….you are always getting your Mummy to do these things for you.”

She laughed. An annoyingly loud and snotty laugh that made me want to shove her radox bubble bath where the sun don’t shine.

“Actually…. I’m older than I look.”

I could have said many things. I could have said that I have been doing my own washing since I was twelve. I could have said that on a daily basis I wash the clothes of the two children I’m bringing up. I could have said that her comment was uncalled for because for all she knew, my Mum might not be with us anymore. (She is, but I have a few friends who lost their Mums and I found her comment highly insensitive and insulting for many , many reasons.)  Instead, I just left it at that. There is no way I was about to divulge personal facts about my children to this snooty old bag.

She raised an eyebrow.

“How old?”

Now it was my turn for the smug grin, knowing that what I was about to say would shock her….. (Seriously people……. I’m an adult. Why do you all find that so hard to believe?! Don’t answer that. Rhetorical question…….)

“I’m 28.”

Her face was quite the picture.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m 28. TWENTY EIGHT. I’ve been doing my own washing for years love.”

I am positive the next five minutes was just her standing there going …..

“No you are not, you’re not 28. There is no way you are that age. I had you at 18 at the most. That is shocking. Wow.”  Repeat 25 times.

I just stood there, nodding politely again, praying for another customer so this woman could be on her way. But nobody came.

“Please tell me you have a husband?”

I looked at her blankly and muttered the old ‘Huh’ again. To which she rolled her eyes. Again.

“I said, please tell me you have a husband. You can’t make it to twenty eight and not be married.”

The look on her face told me that the thought of me being twenty eight with no marriage was almost as bad as when Madonna fell off the stage at the Brits. Only worse. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw another customer coming my way so stupidly…. I kind of nodded. More to get her out of the way so I didn’t lose my temper, not because I was agreeing with her. She then tutted loudly.

“You aren’t wearing a ring.”

I shrugged.

“Lost it.”

I muttered really quietly. I meant my patience. With her. But luckily she didn’t find that bit out as she walked away before I could potentially get myself sacked for letting rip at the woman.

Why the flying fuck does it matter to her if I’m married or not? Why does it matter that I have no husband at the grand old age of twenty eight?! In fact…. why would it matter to her if I had no husband at sixty eight? What business is it of hers??

The way she just presumed things about me was ridiculous. Why would anybody say such stupid things to a stranger?I mean…. when the lady first walked up to the counter, I made a snap judgement about her…in my mind. I thought she looked in her late sixties. I could have been wrong. She may be in her early forties. (I seriously doubt that though!!) I also thought she had an arrogant and snooty air about her. But….but but but…… I didn’t tell her those things. Because sometimes, you just don’t need to say everything you are thinking. If we all said what we initially thought of people, there would be many hurt people walking this planet.

There really is no need to be nasty to people. I will never understand why people do it. Back in my hairdressing days, I had a client with a huge visible lump on her head She knew it was there, I knew it…. everyone else could see it as well. Would there have been any need for me to point it out to her? Of course not!!! Because it’s not a done thing to do and most importantly because this woman was a gem. She cared about everyone and everything and had an infectious laugh. Plus, she never once came in and said to me…. ‘Ergh, you look hideous and snotty’ during one of my regular hayfever bouts or ‘What the hell are you wearing today? You look ridiculous.” So why would I say anything to her? Yes it is an entirely different situation….but my point is….. stop the judging and nastiness.
I’m not a saint. I don’t think anyone is. We all secretly think things about people we encounter. I mean…. I see gorgeous men in the street….but I don’t go up to them and say…. “Phwoarrr, you’re fit.” (Unless of course they are Sandy Moffat or Michael Watson and the likes…..) . So it works both ways. You just don’t need to say everything. Sometimes, words are better left unsaid.

So to the lady who thought I was too young and stupid to do my own washing and believes that unless you are married at a young age you are failing in life….. Tip for you – Button it. Thanks love.

On the same sort of subject…. this week, one of my littles had her hair chopped off.

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The girl has been wanting ‘Taylor Swift’ hair for bloody ages now. She has always liked her hair shorter, on her shoulders. But recently, she has been growing it. All of the girls in her class have longer hair and it’s unusual to see a girl of her age with this hair style. Before Leona had the cut, we had a talk and she wanted to know why people thought that girls were beautiful with long hair. Why couldn’t girls have shorter hair and still be beautiful. Basically, the eight year old mind is questioning why we live in such a shallow world. I tried to explain that she didn’t need to try and fit in with the others. That as long as she’s a nice person and treats everyone with respect, it didn’t matter how the hell she had her hair. What matters is inside. I also explained to her that she was beautiful with long or short hair. I probably went a bit over the top when I said she would still be beautiful covered in snot and rotten eggs.

But isn’t a shame that a girl as young as eight was afraid of having her hair cut the way she prefers it? Isn’t that just horrible? It’s a sign of the times we live in. And it doesn’t get better. I wish I could wrap her up and tell her things get better. But ….. they don’t. I mean….. I’m not stupid. There will be a day when one or both of my kids come home because somebody has said something nasty to them. They still have to go through high school as yet and that is a cruel world to be in sometimes. At the time, you think it is just you being picked on , that the world is against you. You don’t realise until you are older that everyone was in the same boat. I bumped into a girl from school a while back. She was popular and had some wonderful high school years. But she had a nasty rumour made up about her one day that she had a hairy chest. That may sound laughable and kiddish now….but it obviously hurt her at the time. It is something everyone goes through at some point and I can’t shield the littles from everything.

At the moment, my kids are in a great position. They are both well liked, bright and kind. Their friends love them to pieces. And even though Leona was initially worried about going for shorter hair….. it turned out that her friends loved it and two of them said they want to have it done now. But when the day comes they do get hurt by cruel words, all I can do is insist the words aren’t true and make them face the world with courage and love in their hearts. Because that is all that matters.

I read an article the other day about the parents who got leg tattoos because their little girl had a large leg birthmark and they wanted her to feel like she fit in. There has been a huge divide in if it was the right thing for the parents to do. Some people think it was an exceptional show of love, others thought it was over the top and unnecessary.

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My little man has a large birthmark on his back. It means that every time he goes swimming, or gets changed in P.E, or even crouches down to get something…. people can see it. It means that last summer, as he ran around in his swimming shorts at the local water sprinkler park, I had some parents stare in confusion and then look at me. It looks like a huge purple bruise on his lower back. I always describe it as an upside down square heart. It’s a surface birthmark and has been tested when he was a babe to make sure there were no underlying issues with it. It’s right in the middle of his back. So as a parent to a little with a noticeably large birthmark on his body….. I get what the parents did. If that is the way they wanted to make their little girl feel better then good on them. I have always spoke to Lex about his birthmark and told him it just makes him unique. His birthmark is a part of him just as Leonas smallness is a part of her ;-) I have told him to tell people it’s his special birthmark if he is asked about it, which he has been many times by his friends at school. The reaction he has from other children has always been brilliant. His friends think it is the coolest thing and want one for themselves!! It’s the adults that are always going to be difficult…..having them staring at you because they think it’s a bruise or that he has been harmed. The parents in the article mentioned that they have had whispering and stares thrown their way because it looks like their little girl has been burnt or hurt in some way. So I do completely get why they did what they did. If that is the way they want to make their daughter feel better about herself then who are we to judge? Lex knows that his birthmark makes him different and he embraces it. As he has told me many times….nobody else has got it. It’s his and his alone. And it makes him beautiful just like Leona and whatever length her hair happens to be.

When a world that is so full of wonderful things focuses so negatively on the shallow things, it makes me sad. It shouldn’t be that way. Stop all the judging, stop all the staring and stop all the nastiness. And if you are judging somebody….just keep it inside in case you are so far with the wrong idea you can’t even find your way back to right.

Let’s all just be nice to each other and spread some love.

Also…. on a completely unrelated note…. I met Boycie today!!! Yes… Boycie of ‘Only Fools and Horses’ fame. Random and so bloody cool. Day made!!

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Stagey Stuff…..

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I have met some brilliant people since I became a theatre fan. What? No , I’m not talking about the friends I’ve made. I meant hot men….. duh.

No, but seriously, more on ‘theatre friends’ in a bit……

I was having a look back on pictures earlier and couldn’t help but smile and relive the memories. I have had some amazing times, met some absolute hunks and seen some incredible shows since becoming hooked to the stage, I didn’t realise until I looked back on these pictures just how many good times I’ve had. And then there have been the times I didn’t get any pics.

I’m going to post some of my favourite stage door pics, it will be lovely to have them all in one post. This blog entry is more like a scrapbook for me so you should probably just ignore. Unless you want to look at hot men of course, in which case, stay for the ride.

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Dan Fletcher!! I love this picture, but mainly for the conversation that went on before. He’s a laugh!! He can take insults with good humour so that is great. Anyway, I can’t remember why we ended up having a picture now because I had another one with him before…but I like this one anyway.

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I ADORE this one for obvious reasons!! Nigel Fricking Harman!! This was during I Can’t Sing when he played Simon Cowell. He was brilliant and such a lovely, quiet and unassuming guy. He looked quite bewildered that fans were there to see him. I had a bit of a crush on him since the Eastenders days so I was made up when I got to meet him and see him perform <3

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Ross Hunter who played Drew in Rock Of Ages!! This was special to me because it was the first time I had ever met anyone at stage door!! In fact, Sandy was the first one I met, which was awesome as he was my favourite. I had a little chat with him and got a picture, but the less said about that the better…. let’s just say… I was nervous and looked like a swamp monster next to him. Ross came out next and was an absolute sweetheart. Happy to pose for pictures. Also, I have to mention how he used to bend down for pictures as well, it was soooo cute!! Some of us can’t compete with the tall-ness so it made us shorties feel not quite so small.

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That very same day, I also got a picture with Simon Lipkin. Also absolutely lovely!! He was playing Lonny in Rock Of Ages and it was a weird moment for me. I remember going home, looking at the pictures with Ross, Sandy and Simon thinking…. hhhmmm… I didn’t even know stage door was a thing. Now I have three pictures, It is quite a lovely feeling. If you watch someone on the TV or a film, you can’t stop and say…. “Hey …you were good.”
But you can with the stage, if they want to stop of course. I would never expect anyone to stop and will only speak to them if they say something or look like they want to stay and say hi.

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Another Lipkin one!! In fact, looking through my pictures… I realised I randomly had six with him!! I have no idea how they all happened, I don’t even remember asking for a pic all of those times!! There is one on the Rock Of Ages stage with him, Ali and Emma, that one just happened. And a few of the others did as well. But anyway, this day was boiling hot and it was so nice to be in London, seeing my favourite show with a good friend. Happy days.

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Michael Watson….!! You probably all know that this was my favourite ever stage door picture. I absolutely loved it because Michael kind of creeps up on you. I went from not knowing who he was to him being one of my favourite and most talented West End men. This was the first night I saw him perform. Weirdly enough, I had met him before this but you will know the story of that if you read this blog!! He was lovely and it was one of my best nights ever. Catch him as Frankie Valli in Jersey Boys, he’s there for another year!!!

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This is a (very,very bad) selfie with Michael!! This was another night and there have been five pictures with him all in all. I sort of mentioned that I looked demonic on the first picture I had with him and so a few more resulted because he insisted. He’s nice like that. I can’t believe these guys would stop for a chat and even one picture let alone multiple ones!!

Which brings me to my brand spanking new favourite <3 10895487_327459970793854_742066263_n

I plucked up the courage to ask the best man in the West End for another picture where I didn’t look like a monster and he kindly agreed.
Plus, any excuse to show this picture over and over again!! I’m just proud of myself for being able to kind of stand near him without freaking out. So yes, good moment.

Let’s not forget these very important ones either…..

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Thanks for those gems – Michael, Edd and Sandy…. Nice chatting with you in those moments……

There have been loads of other pictures, I have been super lucky. Nathan Amzi, Dylan Turner, Matt Thorpe and Thomas Goodridge to name a few :-) I can’t show you them all because I’m on a time limit right now which I’m sure you are all relieved about!! And I have to move on to the more important stuff than hot men…..

There has always been a lot of talk about ‘Theatre friends’. Can you really make friendships based on liking a certain show? Are they as important as ‘in your real life’ friends? Can you maintain a friendship just on a particular show preference? Especially if you don’t even live in London. You can’t just hop on a tube to meet up for coffee with these friends, For me, it would be expensive train fares and two hours later just to see them So are the people I have met exclusively through going to the theatre my ‘real’ friends? Even Jon Boydon posed a similar question on twitter the other day. Let me try and answer that……

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Can you make friends with other theatre people? Of course you can. You can meet gems and you can try your arse off to get to London and the same show as them.

But can you make best friends with somebody you met through theatre? Can you have a friendship where you talk every day, do other things besides theatre, talk about other things and meet up with them as much as you can?

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I think I’m going to go with yes.

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In fact….. It’s a pretty resounding yes. You can definitely make real, every day, crazy bloody friends through theatre.

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Yes Jon Boydon. Yes everyone else who cares to know. You can most definitely become best and crazy friends from just going to the theatre. You can build a friendship based on a show that leads to all kinds of other adventures. Noor, (Where the shitting hell are our pictures together?!) Paps and of course…. Jus. This probably would prove to most people that occasionally….. you can take a friendship from the theatre and suddenly….they become as dear to you as the other friends you have in your real at home life.

You three are no longer my theatre friends. You are now friends. The best friends. Combined with my other friends, I know a fucking good bunch.

xox

Keep On Keeping On….

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I know, I love that saying. I have used it to death on this blog haven’t I?!

January is still screwing around on me. But hey, two days left to salvage!! And earlier on… I had a kit kat so life can’t get much better really.

You know when you are only twenty eight but you are convinced that you are an extinct dinosaur. But a really weak one? No?? Just me that gets that feeling? OK.

Right now I am a walking disaster. I can’t do anything with my left wrist… (Oi!! Less of the dirt…. filthy.) I have a twisted ankle and the other ankle has a huge cut on it from walking into a broken washing basket, I have a massive bruise on my thigh from not seeing the giant black cooker in front of me. So I kind of hobble along painfully and screech whenever I accidentally push or pull something with my left hand. It’s comical to other people I’m sure. Not so fun for me though. *Tiny violins people, tiny violins.* And now I have the eye thing.

The eye thing was bad guys. So Tuesday came, and I had a day off work. I was at home, excitedly folding the washing (don’t feel too sorry for me, I like doing the washing, I like all house work apart from washing up, I’m annoying like that…. and anyway, I tend to zone out and imagine Hugh Jackman naked so it’s fine.) …. when it hit me that I haven’t seen Sandy Moffat as Frankie Valli for months. Since early November actually. So I half heartedly went online to check if there were any tickets free that evening. There were, and at a good price as well. I decided to go as a last minute thing, also messaging Jus to say …. “If you have any plans, you can cancel them because you should probably come to Jersey Boys with me.” She agreed straight away. Weirdly enough, she takes no convincing to see Sandy Moffat. Who knew?

Anyways, as I was finishing last minute bits, my eye started to hurt. It felt like I had something in it, so I kept checking and there was nothing there. It didn’t look sore or anything so I couldn’t figure it out.

I hopped on the train to London, (and by hopped I mean not at all hopped) while being unusually impatient with a dude who decided to come and sit right near me on a virtually empty train. Why do people do that?! I wouldn’t have cared so much but he was eating noisily throughout the journey and randomly playing bursts of shit music. I guess I could have moved but…. seemed like too much hard work. I soon told him with my loud sighs and rolling of the eyes. He won’t mess with me again.

When I got on the tube, my eye started feeling worse with all the wind and swooshing trains but I ignored it. I also told a lad who was from Dublin to get on the wrong train by accident. He told me he was moving to Scotland but he had no bags or anything with him so …. shrugs. The people you meet in London……

I met with Jus when she finished work, and as soon as I started talking to her , my eye got ten times worse. Must have been her face. ;-)

Then to pass the time she took me to some … wait, I can’t remember now….. Norwegian cafe? Jus… what cafe was it?! I don’t even know. She had a pancake but it looked like a bit of cheese on toast with jam on. I just thought I would throw that useless information out there. If anyone wants to cook for Jus in future, cheese on toast with Jam will do just fine. She insisted it was a sweet pancake but I’m not so sure……

We shuffled in to the Piccadilly, grabbed some wine and sat in our seats. We mixed it up a bit and sat at the other side of the front row this time, I know …. we are fucking hardcore. No stopping us when we get going. (At the time of picking these seats, we didn’t think it through and forgot we would mostly be in front of Sandy for the big numbers and for the Beggin dance’ ….. *Jumps into a cold shower after remembering that*) .

My eye was still hurting but I thought…. Oh well. The show will take my mind off it. It didn’t. My eye killed. So the show started and the lights came up and the pain got worse, Every time there was a change in lights, my eye would hurt….. and more embarrassingly….. water. This meant I had to keep wiping tears away. Which meant it looked like I was crying ALL THROUGH THE SHOW!!! Jus even checked my eye in the interval and told me off like a Mother would .

Jus: Stop rubbing your eye!! Stop it!!

Me: I’m not rubbing it!!! I’m wiping tears away.

Jus: I don’t care, stop touching it.

Me: But I have to hold it open so I can actually see what is happening!! I can’t look up!! It feels like a knife slicing my eyeball.

Jus: No. No touching.

She’s a stern but caring friend right??!

Anyway… the show ended and even with only one good eye, the guys all still look shit hot. And Sandy was brilliant, but there are plenty of other posts to read about that.

You will all be proud of me, I even managed to get a picture with him!!! Even though I can barely utter any words to him, a picture was had so….. good.

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I know. He’s delicious. He even took it in good humour when I yet again started waffling nonsense about his legs. That man is pretty damn brave to have not fled the country yet. He’s also sexy. Did I mention sexy?

Anyway…. Jus spent the night half looking after me/ half taking the piss out of me. I didn’t get home til two in the morning but when I woke up at sevenish, my eye was swollen and felt bruised. It was agony. To end this very boring self pitying tale…. I got it checked out and turns out there was a sharp bit of grit or something scratching my eyelid and making it infected. Antibiotics and such were given. So that’s nice and attractive. It’s all sorted now and getting back to normal. But remind me to never go to a theatre show with a sore eye again. It hurts.  Also I should point out the pain was causing severe headaches on that side. So you should probably all give me sympathy. Thanks.

I can’t believe I didn’t say this when I was talking about the show!! So Jon Boydon – as in the really talented Jon Boydon who is … well, really talented. And cool. And collected. Well anyway… he came out after the show and I started rambling about my eye to him of all people. Then, as if I wasn’t idiotic enough, I poked myself in the sore eye when I pointed out my sore eye to him…… then he made a funny joke asking if it was an apple in my eye….because of the show ….. and he made the joke twice. TWICE GUYS!!! And it went straight over my head. Ooops.

In my defence, I don’t know if I mentioned it yet but…. I had a sore eye. So.

Those injuries have pretty much summed up the last week. I made my ankle worse in London and by Wednesday, my eye combined with my ankle and useless wrist meant I was quite pitiful at work that day. But I struggled through. Just call me Superman. Or don’t. I tend to fancy all the guys that play Superman and I don’t want to have to have the hots for myself. That could get all kinds of weird.

Keep on keeping on though. Could be much worse. I could be Perez Hilton. Or a cows udder. Can you imagine how bad that would be? They never get any fun. They just get squeezed. And not in a good way. The only time anyone ever wants anything to do with an udder is when they want something from it. Not cool.

It could be better of course. I could have a fully working body right now and be married to Hugh Jackman. What? Don’t look at me like that. It’s true, it could happen. It did happen. Dreams are awesome. Wouldn’t even have to be marriage. Sex will do just fine.

There will be some updates on this blog soon about shows other than Jersey Boys!! Hooray for that!! I adore that show and will always see it when I can, but there are no more words I can say about it on here. It’s all been done. I can’t promise that I won’t ever talk about Sandy on here again though. It just happens like when you get pins and needles.

I’m seeing Assassins soon!! It’s had rave reviews and I can’t wait to check it out. I will always have a soft spot for the Rock Of Ages boys. I love the fact they all seem to be doing well so seeing Lipkin on fine form will be grand.

Also planning on giving Beautiful a visit with Ian Mcintosh and Dylan six pack Turner. In the mean-time, I’m certain I will find something random and pointless to talk about on here. I usually do.

I have a few shows coming up in my home town too. It’s not all about London ya know!! OK , it is. But it’s not. But anyway…. compose yourselves girls…. I will be seeing Gary Lucy get his kit off in the full monty!! Swoon!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaa!!! Honestly…. that man. I have a bit of a thing for a guy with chest hair. He fits the bill. Sadly, I don’t think Sandy will be in a show like that anytime soon. Unless he makes a guest appearance for the show I have a ticket for. Could happen. If not….. well, I have a good imagination in all honesty so it’s fine.

I have also been roped in to seeing Michael Ball with a family member. Can’t say I’m as enthusiastic about that one. Sorry Michael Ball fans.

And there are two others here in Ipswich I’m seeing but I can’t name them without wanting to hide in embarrassment.

I’m off to sleep now. All this talk about The Full Monty and Sandy Moffat right before bed ……

I’m out of here!! xx

The Grass May Be Greener….

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…..But I like my shade of green. At the moment, I would say my grass isn’t even a shade of green. It’s more yellowing….fading. But luckily, I like yellow, and rather than seeing my grass as dying earth hair, I’m going to view it as golden corn. Or something. I’ve just realised I’m completely shit at analogies aren’t I?

I got to thinking earlier…. and for me, it was pretty deep. No, seriously. I know most of you think my thoughts are entirely made up of Jersey Boys, hot men, Glee, Coffee and Chocolate but there are other things going on in my teeny tiny brain. Those other things are the more important things and the secrets that I keep guarded in my heart.

This deep thinking sent me into a whole bunch of different brain directions. My 2015 so far…. it’s been standard. Not happy, not sad…just plodding and run of the mill. I haven’t been inspired (apart from when I saw The Theory Of Everything and wanted to rule the world straight after…… https://mysticmonkey86.wordpress.com/ . ) I haven’t set out to do anything or achieve anything other than work, eat, sleep and live my life.And I was OK with that really. But I did find myself wanting more. I want more for my children. What parent doesn’t? I want more for myself. I want to have a real life book published. I want to open my own hair salon in a trendy spot in London. I want to run (or at least eat in) a banana specific cafe. I want to eat dark chocolate chip cookies with a side of raspberries with Hugh Jackman. << He mentioned it on twitter. I’ve been dreaming about it ever since.

And despite all this ‘I want doesn’t get’ …. sometimes it’s good to want things. Because sometimes those things you want can inspire you to change. Wanting doesn’t always have to be seen as a greedy term. It can just be seen as a feeling much like desperation or being excited. It’s a thing we all feel at some point and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

And since the first of January came whooshing in with his winter sky, I have probably been guilty of wanting a few things as you saw above.

I got called in to a work shift today that I wasn’t supposed to be in for. I had been looking forward to spending the weekend with the two littles. Our plans were minimal. Park before the bad weather hits, a few films and bizarrely enough…. teaching Leona how to knit. Along with analogies, it’s another thing I’m shit at.

BUT, even though I needed the weekend with the littles who I miss every single day they are at school, I am also a single parent with a ‘think of the money’ attitude. So I got wrapped up to face the icy weather and started the journey to work.

I found chaos when I arrived. We were horrendously short staffed on a Saturday and I was given the joyous news that the area manager was coming in. (He’s actually a very nice guy but completely terrifying because ….you know. He’s the area manager.)

There must have been something in the air because we had some pretty grouchy customers in today. Some people were just plain rude. That is a whole other post that I am sure I have written about before but honestly guys, there is no need for rudeness. You don’t have to go in a shop and make friends with the person serving you, but a friendly thanks probably wouldn’t go amiss.

One customer I was serving, who was also pretty damn rude, decided to start paying out the six pound fifty four pence she owed in five and ten pence pieces. And she had no hurry despite knowing there was a horrendous queue behind her and I was the only one on the till. (When I say we were short staffed…. we really were.)

I honestly nearly lost my rag when she got to five pounds and ninety pence then shook her empty purse at me and wondered if I would let her have the stuff anyway. No chance love, so many reasons why not….but the main ones being 1) I would lose my job and 2) You were a bit of a miserable old bag to me. So she stood there in a huff while I tried to breathe my anger away and smile at the annoyed customers behind her.

While she figured out what to put back out of her three items….. I had a moment. It was one of those moments where if I was a cartoon character, a bubble would come out of my head and my moment would be displayed for all non cartoonish people to see.

And that moment was this….. Yes, I am standing here in a heaving shop where the heating doesn’t work properly and my hands were like ice and I couldn’t feel my feet. Yes I wanted to be with my littles, watching a DVD on the sofa or having one of them read their school book to me. Yes I had been moaned at all morning by customers because we were understaffed and yes the lady I was currently serving was being the mare of a nightmare customer. But doesn’t all that just seem so ridiculously small and insignificant?!

Life is a mixed bag. You muddle through, you survive, you live it and you get happy, sad and something in between. I realised just how lucky and privileged I was while standing there waiting for the queen of small silver coins. I was lucky to be able to stand behind a freezing till for hours on end. Someone close to me at the moment is badly injured and in a large amount of pain…. they can’t bear to stand for five seconds let alone hours. I went on an eight mile hike with the big brother the other day and grumbled a bit. But I shouldn’t have grumbled because the fact I can do that ….. I should be appreciating those things. And I do. I really do. When I was younger and watched Forest Gump, when he starts running, I always said to myself that I wanted to do that. Just minus the running. I wanted to walk and see where it took me. The world is a beautiful place and the only way you get to see it is by getting out and about. Whether that is through a muddy eight mile hike when you aren’t wearing the right shoes or through a car window…. it’s still magical.

Also…. I am thankful to have a job. I mean…. it’s not the dream job of writing a load of fictional garbage and seeing it be a best seller in paperback form, but it is a paying job. And it’s not a bad one either. I really enjoy my job most days. I’ve done all sorts. Hairdressing, bar work, cleaning, care work…… some jobs ain’t easy. Care work is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and I salute anyone that can do it. In fact, a Rock Of Ages fan I used to speak to is currently doing a care job. She’s a young girl and I see her doing those twelve hour night shifts and going to work most days a week and I completely admire her for it. I’ve never told her that… we don’t speak much anymore but just in case she’s reading this , Keep at it Danii, you are doing an incredible job!!

Then there are the hard jobs I have never tried, nurses, factories, fast food workers….. anything really. There are much more grueling jobs than mine. I get to see all the new make up products and smell all the perfumes. I also get to buy chocolate at the end of a shift ;-) Nothing bad about that. Superdrug is a fun crowd to be part of.

And I am lucky because I know that after my shift, I DO get to go home to two little people who I love with all my heart and know that they love me. I get to smile as they tell me what they got up to while I was at work. I then get to do the daily chores and make dinner. I get to have a roof over my head.

I can even make myself dark chocolate chip cookies with raspberries on the side and have Hugh Jackman with me. In film form of course.

So yes, I am lucky.

And as I said at the start of this post, I like yellow. Yellow is my favourite colour and if that happens to be my colour of grass right now, it’s fine. Because sometimes…. green is a fine line between boogey and mould on a piece of bread. Green can also be the colour of leeks and leeks are honestly awesome so …. I would be happy with green grass as well. But as long as I am happy with my yellow corn grass stuff then that is the main thing. Everyone can be happy with their grass if they choose to be. I started this post by saying 2015 has been standard, but that is only because I have made it so. I haven’t made time for the excitement yet but it will come.

Despite the things that life can hand us, we all choose our moods. We choose happiness. If we waste our time being sad, angry, or even just……. average, then we are wasting some precious moments.

Despite my deep life is amazing thing I had while serving the customer, I nearly ruined my clarity straight away by swearing out loud when she finally decided on what item to put back and then started counting out her silver again. She literally counted it all very slowly, then for some reason, picked it all up and dropped it randomly on the counter leaving me to pick up the rolling coins as she walked out without waiting for her receipt or saying thanks. Manners. People lack them nowadays that’s for sure.

Luckily, that queue of what I thought were angry customers turned out to be lovely. When I apologised to them for the wait they ALL stressed to me it wasn’t my fault and that they understood.

Moving on to an entirely different subject…. the littles were having a conversation about weather earlier. It was brilliant.

Leona: We were learning about weather at school and had to write down all the different types of rain.

Lex: I watched this programme about rain and they said that a really bad rain is tarantula rain.

Leona: There isn’t such a thing as tarantula rain.

Lex: There is. CBBC said it. Tarantula rain is really heavy and wet. (All rain is wet son, but carry on.)

Leona: No Lex, tarantula is a spider. You know those big hairy spiders that are bigger than normal and I pretended one was on your head once?

Lex: Yeah I know but it is also a rain.

Leona: I think you mean torentionally rain.

Lex. No. I mean tarantula.

Leona: I should know Lex, I was the one learning about it. Maybe when you are in year four, you will understand.

Me trying to calmly diffuse the situation: Uh… guys, you were both so close but you mean torrential.

Leona: I said that.

Lex: No you didn’t , you said tarantula.

Leona: What? YOU said tarantula. I said what Mum said.

I walked away at that point. coffee was needed.

It’s nearly half past midnight and I need to dream about eating cookies with Hugh Jackman. I will let you all get on with enjoying your shade of grass.

Woah!!

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And no, I can’t come up with a more original or interesting title than that so don’t even ask. I am currently awestruck. But more on that later.

So today started off pretty damn cute actually. After all the fun (and stress) of the Christmas holiday…. (and by holiday, I mean holiday for the kids…. I worked through bloody most of it), today it was time for the littles to put those ever so boogey green jumpers back on, get their backpacks on their backs and head off to school.

Leona – She’s absolutely fine with this just so ya know. She loves school. She loves school so much that sometimes, when she asks if she really has to have the weekend off …. I wonder what I am actually doing wrong! But Alex…. my little Lex man….. he’s a bit more reluctant with the whole school thing. He tried to explain it today actually…. as he tiptoed up to me before I had gotten out of bed. He was up before me,probably due to nerves.

When he saw that I was half way out of bed, he jumped on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. (This time is precious. The day he doesn’t want hugs from me anymore will be ….. no. Stop. Too emotional.)

Me: Morning! Are you all excited for school??

Lex: Yes and no. Yes because I get to see my friends again and I suppose the work we learn is useful. So they tell me. (You can tell that this little 6 year old totally thinks the teachers are conspiring against every student in the world.)

Me: Yes!! It will be good to see your mates and knowledge is power.

Lex: *Looks at me blankly*

Me: But why aren’t you looking forward to going back?

(This is going to melt you all…. these were his actual words……..)

Lex: Because I can’t give you squeezy hugs all day of course.

Me: Aww! But ya know, over Christmas you actually didn’t give me squeezy hugs all day. You played with your new toys and stuff. So you can’t really say that is why you aren’t excited for school can you?

Lex thinks about this and then turns his huge blue eyes on me…. all puppy doggish.

Lex: Well then you should probably let me stay off today. Just today. We can catch up on hugs. I will even let you play on my D.S…….

As tempting as that all was, an hour and a half later we were out the front door ready to go. Little stinking charmer.

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As I rounded the corner just at the bottom of my road with the two littles steaming ahead…. I bumped into hot Dad number 242. Yes, fine…. I know I have probably spoken about hot Dads before. And hot men in general. But this one is really hot…. he is always suited and booted and has flecks of grey in his very dark hair. He’s tall and has sparkly eyes and is just absolutely dreamy. So anyways….. the ground was frosty and icy. It was a beautiful morning. Sunny with frost. I love those types of days. The world can look stunning. It can look even better with added hot Dad number 242.

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But because I am stupidly clumsy and find it difficult enough to not fall over on a normal non icy day…. I was a bit freaked out when hot Dad stopped to wait for me. I never look cool in front of people, especially dudes like this.

Anyway… pleasantries were exchanged about Christmas and all that jazz, and I didn’t fall over. I very nearly walked into a huge pile of squelchy dog shit…. but the point is though, I didn’t. So I made it to school with no mishaps and then started walking back with him, very proud that I hadn’t ballsed up as yet. Five minutes down the road, I suddenly remembered that I wasn’t supposed to be walking home but going to the shops and posting some letters off. All the boring stuff. But it was in the complete opposite direction. He definitely looked at me a bit funny when I loudly and randomly announced that I had went the wrong the way and had some things to do….. but still, I can’t stress enough that for me….. this is all acceptable and normal.

I go shopping, post office, do all my bits I need to do….. then start walking back half an hour later. As you have probably gathered, he lives just round the corner from me so I had to walk past his to get to mine. As I did so, he was putting his wheely bin out. All romantic things happen when people do this. Forget all that stuff you see in the movies, twinkly stars and candle lit dinners. Oh no, real romance can be found at a stinky household wheely bin.

I stopped and held up my shopping bag to indicate I hadn’t been lying, he just looked bemused. Then he said something horrific.

“Do you want to come in for a coffee??”

No guys, no. Not that kind of coffee. The honestly normal lets do coffee coffee. That type.

The words were horrific because so far, so good. I hadn’t made a twat out of myself (not a huge twat anyway…..) and I didn’t want to ruin that so I said the worst thing that I could ever say.

“Ah. That would have been lovely but I have to put my shopping away and then ermmm….. eerrrrrr….. well, I need to wash my hair.”

I had told him earlier that I had a day off so I couldn’t use work as an excuse. So I naturally said that age old line of washing my hair. That’s right….. Laura the dickhead made an appearance.

Then….. you know when somebody completely over compensates for what they just said and goes all awkward…… I was all….

“But another time would be great! Hey , you should come to mine. I love coffee on a normal basis…… Just today is a real wash the hair type day and just….. (stop talking. Now.)

Safe to say I probably won’t be invited back for a coffee by him in the near future. Or indeed any future.

Remember how I was desperately appealing for somebody to come to the cinema with me on twitter like I was some starving third world charity case? Well it turned out that my sister finished work early, wanted to see the same film I did and thought we should go and grab some food before the show.

Sounded good to me. A nice simple night out with the little sis. What could possibly go wrong? The fact that I have a mouth I guess.

We sat in the pub (One of those two for a tenner jobs…. gotta keep things classy) and just as we had taken a seat…. this energetic and quite frankly bit of alright waiter came bounding over to us asking what we wanted to drink. We decided to get an alcoholic one and told him what we would like where he then proceeded to ask for ID, which is completely fair enough due to the fact Anna only turned 18 last year and I …. according to most people….. look about twelve. (Thanks everyone.) So what should have been a simple ‘Show the guy your ID so he can go get our drinks’ naturally turned into a half hour chat.

It was all about how I look young for my age and how he had the same problem ….. (Although sorry to break it to him, though he was gorgeous… I would have put him at around the 40 mark. I find it highly unlikely he gets ID’d anywhere.) And I think just general life things were spoken about while Anna absolutely cringed in horror. She hates going places with me because we always end up in weird situations.

The waiter brought our drinks over and of course, more chat was had. After that…. every five minutes…. he would come by our table to check up on us. The surrounding tables looked mightily confused as he wasn’t doing it to all of us.

We ordered the food where naturally we got onto a rude conversation about burgers…. (?! ….I spoke to the waiter more than my sister probably. Oooops.) and ten minutes later, the food was brought over.

He said that he would be back in five minutes to check how our food was and I kid you not, he waited approximately 45 seconds before running to our table again and asking how the food was. By that point I had eaten half of a boiling chip and Anna hadn’t even opened her sauce so he was keen.

He stopped by twice more after this to ask about the food. He caught me at my most sexy when I had half a chip dangling from my mouth and some kind of greasy oil over my hands. I told him mid chip that I liked to be classy at all times and he roared with laughter. I tried not to take it heart. Then we spoke about how wonderfully annoying little sisters are. While my little sister was sat opposite.

Anyway….. the waiter was very fun and I left him a tip of 69p Don’t get offended at the cheapness. 69 was one of the subject matters of the evening so…….

Moving on.

We still had an hour til our film was due to start so we went upstairs in the cinema to grab a starbucks. I do love my starbucks. Anyway, Anna went to get a table and I queued up. The lady in front of me ordered a tea, and when she came to pay for it, it was one pound 85. (My pound sign has decided to give up on me. I bet you are all gutted about that one. Maybe I will use the dollar sign instead but then it would make it a whole different price and no…. No OK . I just won’t go into all of that.)

So she hands the till man over some money and he waits for a while and they stare at each other awkwardly until he says…. I need 25p love. She then realises she handed him a one pound and one of those trolley token things shaped like a pound. So he handed it back to her and she found 60p in her purse and gave him that. I wasn’t being nosey but I could see her purse was completely empty minus the trolley token and she was mortified, then she said that she didn’t have any more and she didn’t have her card on her either.

She only needed 25 p so I dug it out of my purse and handed it to her, the poor woman looked like she was going to cry. She was ever so grateful and said thanks many times. Then when I was being served the till man started congratulating me on being the best person in the world (I know… I know…..) and that he hoped I was proud of being a good person. Then he told his three surrounding starbucks workers the heroic tale of what I had just done and by their faces…. you would have thought I had just cured some terrible disease. Is the world really such a bad place now that most people wouldn’t hand over 25p to a lady who was clearly out of money? I am pretty sure everyone I know would have done the same thing and they ended up telling the whole queue what I did and it was bloody mortifying. Really, it was awful. Not even sure why I am retelling that ….. it really was a ‘Please swallow me up ground’ situation but probably not quite as bad as that time I drooled about Sandy Moffats legs to his face or told Michael Watson that I didn’t have children when I was 12…….

Anna decided to take my picture in Starbucks…. obviously I was a now a national treasure and should be photographed accordingly.

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This is my ‘I did it for the people’ pose. I need to practice it for when the press come a knocking. It had been a pretty nice day all round…. but I had no idea that the smile was about to fade…..

Oh my shitting hell you guys.

So ….. Let’s all take a seat and talk about The Theory Of Everything shall we???

If you haven’t seen it…. Go. If you are on the fence and can’t make up your mind…. Go. If you don’t want to see it, I couldn’t give a flying crap…… Go. Seriously.

It was….. It was beautiful. But no. Because it wasn’t. It was hugely depressing and harrowing. And yet it wasn’t. It was uplifting and sunshiney. But it wasn’t because it was awful.

I will give you a brief (history of time…. see what I did there?) OK  That was awful . Back to it…..

The Theory Of Everything is of course…. a film about Stephen Hawking, his rise to fame and the decline of his body due to the awful Motor Neurone Disease.

If Eddie Redmayne doesn’t get the Oscar for his INCREDIBLE portrayal of Stephen Hawking ….. It will be a cruel injustice. It will be on a par with Michael Watson not winning Best Take Over for his role as Frankie Valli in the hugely popular West End production of Jersey Boys…. running at the Piccadilly Theatre. Catch it now and vote!!! (I had to throw it in somewhere, and no … Michael is not paying me for this promotion. He has however, as previously stated in another blog, agreed to more naked pictures if he wins so you know you all have to vote. Also… because he actually deserves it, not just because I want to see his chest again.)

Back to Eddie. Wow. Woah. Hence the name of the post. Fucking amazing. What a talent that boy is. Sure, being a huge Les Mis fan… I already knew it….. but I didn’t know it THAT much. I can’t explain just how good he is. You have to watch the film and see for yourselves. Just thinking back to it now is making me want to sob and run through a field of daisies at the same time. I know nothing about acting…. but I do know that Eddie Redmayne is a hell of a one. The emotions he invoked in me tonight were something else entirely.

And I’m not sure at what point, but somewhere through the film… I wasn’t watching it thinking…. ‘Oh, Eddie is so good…..’ No. I was watching it thinking….. ‘Wow, Stephen Hawking is really an absolutely remarkable man.”

Eddie is that amazing that I believed he was Stephen. It was astonishing.

Felicity Jones as Jane Hawking deserves a mention as well. She was beautiful, elegant and classy. I hope she gets a fair few nods in the awards season.

I’m not here to review the film. I am not a reviewer in any case and I want you…. or even desperately need you to see the magic of that film for yourselves.

When I walked out of that cinema… I didn’t know if I should sob for all eternity or sit and look at the stars in wonder for hours. I didn’t know whether to yell at the world about what a cruel place it is or thank it for the beauty.

It was so deeply and profoundly moving that I can’t begin to cover it. No words will do it justice. You know it’s a hard hitting one when grown men are crying next to you.

As for me…. it took me about 30 minutes before I was in pieces. If only somebody had warned me to save my crying energy for ALL of the film I probably wouldn’t have been so knackered towards the end.

We all know Stephen Hawkings famous quote.

“While there is life, there is hope.”

And really…. I have no more to add. I’m off to think about life and black holes and strong people facing struggles every single day and how I can make the world a better place and how I’m no good at physics but how I will give it a good go. No … wait, actually…. I’m off to sleep.

The profound stuff can wait until tomorrow!!

xx

Hello 2015……

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I am one of those completely annoying people that loves the New Year. I know, I know…. ugh. Everybody loves Christmas and waits all year for it, but poor little December the 31st gets pushed to the side and sneered at. People are so negative about seeing the new year in and I find that sad! Unless that particular date holds a sad memory or anniversary for you, then I see no reason why you wouldn’t want to get your happy dance going on and join in the fun!

Among the negative things that get said about new years – the most heard of complaint is that is is just an excuse for everybody to get merry and make resolutions that they will break in a matter of days. But what is so bad about that?! Isn’t that the whole point? It is the one time of the year that we can TRY to be a better person, knowing it will never hold out….. It is the one time of the year we all have something to focus on, a new year = a new start and a whole new mind set. It may only last a few days for some of us, or it may last months. One of the changes you make at new year could just be the change you stick to forever that gives you a whole new outlook on life. And I find that quite a glorious concept.

So I hope all you guys are settling in to the new year nicely anyway! Embrace it. Go with it. Spread positive energy and look at the chances ahead for you. And if you do, I will stop banging on about new years……

But with changing our ways and making new goals in mind, I’m going to share mine with you all.

Last year was a bit of a weird one for me. I went through some things when I was younger, as we all do….. and I like to think I came out of it with a pretty positive outlook on life. I have never been confident as a person, but I was pretty confident about who I was.

In 2014, I started to lose that confidence. I can’t really pinpoint why. I guess I started to integrate myself with people I wouldn’t have before. I let people into my life when before I was a closed book. I’m a very selective person and up until late 2013 all the way through to 2014…. I wouldn’t tell people about my littles unless I knew them really well. I was very secretive about that part of my life through fear of being judged.

Anyway…. I lost my way a bit. I think I was overwhelmed with change and new people. Overwhelmed with opening up and trying to be what other people wanted me to be. It got to the point where I wasn’t myself anymore.

I have spent everyday since the age of before conception putting pen to paper or taps to keyboard keys to write things. Anything. Be that stories, articles, diary entries, blogs or doodlings of a not quite sane person. You name it, I would write it. In my world, the saying is definitely – A Chapter a day keeps the doctor away. The point being…. writing makes me happy. 2014 definitely saw a decline in my writing. I wasn’t feeling as up to it as I once was.

And then I noticed a pattern. It wasn’t just my writing…. on this blog, on my paper notebooks, on other things….. it was also my absence on social media.

You are all probably scratching your heads now in confusion because you are probably thinking I’m on it plenty. But for me…. I’m not.

I’m talking about twitter really. I mean… if this is going to be an honest post then it is probably best to be …. well…. honest. Obviously.

Since 2008 …. I have been what most would call a twitter nut. I like the site OK ?? The people that invented the site… I think…. did the world a good justice. You hear all the bad stories in the media about twitter, about trolls and nastiness and hacks. But you don’t hear the good things. You don’t hear about people becoming life long friends and ordinary people getting to tweet a fave celeb knowing there is a high chance they would at least read it even if they never reply.

It’s quite magical really, this ability to be able to just put an @ before somebodies name and send them a little something. Of course I am talking about people we wouldn’t usually get the chance to talk to in real life. If I wanted to phone my best friend for a chat…. I can. If I wanted to phone Hugh Jackman…. well, I wouldn’t be able to do that. But I would be able to tweet him when he posts a picture and tell him that actually, all things considered….. he’s not too shabby to look at.

So yeah, the point is… I like twitter. I’ve always liked twitter. Right from the start I have been a tweeter. I guess the newer people in my life would have only seen me tweeting certain members of west end shows in the last year or two. I do follow other people. I do tweet other people. But not everybody will see that because of the different people we all follow.

When my timehop updates …. I always look at it in astonishment and think…. wow. I have been at this twitter malarkey for years now and I never grow up. Five years ago, I was sending tweets to a One Tree Hill actor about a particular topless scene and saying it would be real nice if there could maybe one day be a repeat.

My tweets are of a similar topic today. When a girl wants what a girl wants there is usually no persuading her otherwise.

The difference in five+ years ago on twitter to now, is that now….. I feel disapproval. I have stayed the same, but throughout my sameness, I forgot that these new people in my life….. they don’t find it normal. My everyday friends would be concerned if I didn’t drool over a hot guy or talk about my love of coffee and bananas. But new friends means new learning curves.

And I am finding it hard. I am not confident on twitter at all anymore. It is probably half paranoia, half truth….. but it feels like my tweets are being analysed and judged by a select few. Why? Who the hell knows. But I know I am being judged because I have been told.

I have been told that people think I’m a bit of a twat. (They wouldn’t be entirely wrong!!) I have been told that my sometimes smutty tweets are offensive to people. I have even been told to tone it down. But to tone it down would be to change my personality. I can’t even make a joke on twitter anymore without being frowned upon. I know I have written a post about this before but I have been called attention seeking on the site….. which I would agree with. But so is everybody else on twitter. Any single one of us that writes a tweet would hope at least one of our followers reads it, otherwise….. why would we say it? So in that case…. I am being called an attention seeker by fellow attention seekers.

People I have come to recently know are finding my personality hard, which in turn…. I am finding hard. I am not one for opening up so if I tell you things beyond my twitter ramblings….. it would mean I trust you.

And to have it thrown back in your face hurts so much. I know a lot of you only see a weird girl who doesn’t stop talking and has Michael Watsons chest or Sandy Moffats legs on the brain. But before you knew me…. it was someone elses legs and someone elses chest. It was the same tweets seven years ago just to different people. It’s me. You might think you know what you know about me, but you don’t. You think I don’t know that a few of you have got together in your little groups and at some point ….. aimed horrible words at me. Because of the way I am on twitter. Even because of the way I am at stage door. You don’t like it , but it is me and I can’t change it.

What really hurts is when you think you can trust someone. When you think you can pretty safely say to somebody details about your life only to find out those details have been used against you. And spread around to the people bad mouthing you, told to the people you wouldn’t dream of telling anything personal to.

We all have flaws, but to be ridiculed for your flaws is to be ridiculed for being you. It’s not nice and I hoped and prayed that I had left the high school bullying days behind. I hoped to never be made to feel small again. But in 2014….. that happened.

Like I said…. it’s a learning curve. And with 2015 shiny and new, it is time to make some changes. Or not even make changes… but to go back to some old ways. To go back to being me I guess. To stop caring what people are saying about me and to tweet anyway. Just like I used to.

It’s such a weird and new concept to me…. having your tweets pulled apart. People are what they tweet….. (<< see what I did there?!) so in that sense, I’m being pulled apart along with the tweets. I have never cared if a tweet I send gets a reply or acknowledgement, I have never cared if I get a follow or an unfollow. I do twitter because I enjoy it. Simple as that.

In the grand scheme of things…. twitter is really nothing.  I have my own life, I have my kids, I have housework, I have a job and friends. But at the same time, twitter is also me….. me being me….. and the fact I went from a daily twitter user to a part time scared to tweet anything user says it all. A little bit of me got lost last year because of what other people thought and that isn’t nice.

Before I make you all cry with the pointlessness, boringness and quite frankly nothingness of this post…. I will round it up.

2015 isn’t about me getting back on twitter. It’s about me getting back to myself. I want to write again without fear of being judged. The same applies for tweets.

2015 is going to be a year where I once again bring up the walls and keep them firmly in place. That sounds gloomy but it’s not!! I am happy in my world of littles, work, family and the friends I choose. I want to get back to that.

I also think 2014 made me bitchy. When I would hear that once again somebody had said something bad about me or called me a slut because I called some dude fit on twitter (apparently they can because I’m a single Mum so it’s fair game to use words like that – nice huh?!), I would go on the defensive and no doubt a few days later say something bad about them. And that isn’t who I am. I don’t like bitching. It has no place in my life.

I am a positive person. I love life. I love love. I love happiness and trees. I love sentimental things and happy things like cartoon bananas that are smiling. I love tweeting nonsense and not being judged for it. I love the people in my life who I can trust. This post is quite possibly the whingiest, moaniest yawn fest I have done to date…. but I needed to get some things out. I feel better for it.

My children teach me about love and acceptance every single day. Alex saw a little girl around his age in a wheelchair the other day and turned to me with awe in his eyes.
“Mum…. did you that girl? She had hair like a princess!”
How beautiful. How gorgeous to not see a chair…. to not see a girl who can’t do what other children can …. but to see her hair. To treat her as he would treat anyone else which of course, is what it should be like. I do know he has a disabled girl in his school and he is always telling me wonderful stories about her, he loves her to pieces and she is always at the top of his things to talk about. He adores her and has never once mentioned her disability. He sees her as the coolest girl around. He just accepts her for who she is.

And then there was Leona…… we were watching TV the other day and I kid you not …. this was how it played out.

*Advert comes on – documentary about the ‘Fattest people in Britain.*

Leona turns to me, horror on her face.

“Did you see that? How dare they. How dare they make a programme about fat people. I hope nobody watches it. In fact….. I shall write to the Queen so they don’t show it at all.”

I was quite bemused by her reaction, so I asked why she was so angry and she said words that will stick by me forever.

“We are all people. Next they will be making a programme about people with gaps in their teeth. It isn’t fair.”

……. Yes she has a gap in her teeth. I tell her every day she’s beautiful. I think somebody said something to her at school about it but I can’t be certain. Either way, she has a complex about it :-( But her words….. ‘We are all people’ …… You tell em girl. We are. She later went on to say that instead of making a programme about fat people …. why wasn’t anyone out there helping them, like P.E teachers. She told me that her P.E teacher is really good and would have them sorted in no time. Don’t you love that? Don’t you love the simpleness of it all through childrens eyes?!

As a world , we all need to be more accepting.

And until we live in that world, I shall be putting my guard up again. While of course…being wildly inappropriate to hot men on twitter and boring you all to death in blog posts like i used to.

Here is to a healthy and happy  2015!!!!

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Completely unrelated to any of the blog but I noticed I have had quite a few visits to my Jersey Boys posts recently which is amazing. I can’t believe you all put yourself through reading those!! Strange people ;-)

Most of you will know and will have voted …but Michael Watson is up for Best Take Over in the What’s On Stage awards. He definitely needs to win. Not because he deserves it…but because he has said he will do another naked picture if he wins!! Motivation or what?! And of course he deserves it. He is incredible in the role of Frankie Valli. So vote vote vote!! Nakedness and happy Michael awaits you if you do!!!

For The Longest Time…..

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I bet you all have that song stuck in your head now and can’t stop singing it. It’s a good song so you’re welcome.

It has been AGES since I wrote a rambling blog that doesn’t make any sense so I thought I would give you all an early Christmas pressie by gifting you with this. Again, you are welcome.
There have been reasons why I haven’t been on the blog. I’ve been working a ton, trying to keep up with the littles when I’m not working and all the usual stuff.

There is loads that I should have blogged about.

Like the night Jus and I went to see Ed Sheeran and it was one of the best nights I have ever had. I tried to write a blog on that about five times but I kept deleting all the words. There are only so many times you can write – amazing, incredible and fucking awesome.

No, seriously…. I can’t put out how much that night meant to me. You all just think I’m a silly dramatic fangirl and … well, actually, you would be right. But seeing Ed in person playing those songs, just him and his guitar was magical. Jus and I had mango, malibu and chips beforehand in the O2 which thinking about it now, is a very random combo. Then we took our seats and got excited. I had planned on recording the song of the year – Thinking Out Loud so I could look back on it with fondness, but when it came to it…. recording it couldn’t have been further from my mind. I just wanted to soak it all in. There may have been a slight tear when he sang it. It’s my wedding song. My future wedding. Hugh Jackman looks like an Ed Sheeran fan so it’s a good choice.

Jus and I went from badly dancing to Ed’s weird mash ups and then standing there in awe while watching him serenade thousands and thousands of people with just his voice and a guitar.

Actually, that whole day was awesome…. earlier on we had seen Jersey Boys and even the fact that we were surrounded by ten drunk women hell bent on destroying the show for everyone else couldn’t dampen our spirits.

Just an FYI , If you go to the theatre and act like a bell end, you can justifiably be considered a twat of all trades. Much like a jack of all trades. This doesn’t make any sense but I know what I’m saying. Poor Jus was worried I was about to take out the ten of them by myself, but then at the end of the show, Jus nearly went for them herself so …. it was horrendous, they were horrendous. But it was still an amazing day.

I could have also blogged about the few times I have thrown in a random Jersey Boys trip, but as I have done that numerous times now…. I thought I may as well give that a rest. Quick updates on the JB trips for all you Jersey Girls… and boys.

I have now seen the show more times than I would like to confess. Jon Boydon has been my Tommy every single trip, so when the day comes he isn’t Tommy… it will be weird. I always have a lot of people jump on me with “But Ben Wheeler is great as Tommy!!” … I have no doubt he is, but it is just a fact that it will be an odd show without Boydon steering it along – FOR ME. We all have our favourites and I think most of you would be lying if you said you equally loved each West End star in every role. It just doesn’t work like that. It’s not a shameful thing to want to see a fave in a show you love. And that is what I feel about Jon Boydon. So yes,  I have been very lucky in managing to see his incredible performances every trip.

You will all know this already but the gorgeous Michael Watson has been nominated for Best Take Over – You can all vote here……http://awards.whatsonstage.com/ .

There are many reasons why you should vote for him. He’s probably the nicest guy in the West End. He is seriously lovely. He is the kind of guy you want to steal and take home to your parents. But that would involve charges of kidnapping and all sorts and I just don’t have time for that with general life.

But obviously, the fact he is a nice guy isn’t why you should vote for him. Nor is the fact he’s extremely sexy a reason. And when I say sexy, I mean…. It gets quite hard to focus if he is talking to you because his eyes turn you into a puddle of mess thingy. His eyes are dreamy.

You have to vote for him because…. well, quite honestly…. he deserves it. I have read comments from people who have seen Jersey Boys on Broadway and have seen multiple Frankies in various locations and they all say he is the best. That is quite some praise. I once read a film review of Jersey Boys stating that even though John Lloyd Young was magical in the role, the cherry on the top would have been seeing Michael take it on!! I’m trying to remember where i saw that now, if it comes to me I will post the link.

And it’s not just based on what other people are saying. It is based on my own opinion as well. He’s incredible. You all know the back story on my Jersey Boys loving…. I went because of a certain Sandy Moffat, and ended up being a tiny bit of a …. fine…..a HUGE fangirl towards Michael. It just happened, and it takes some doing to distract me from Sandys legs and talent. I also want to be plugging for Sandy votes as well, but his time will come. That man is capable of great things. He has many other talents, not all involving his legs. And face. And dreamy accent. Anyway….. so yes, being a ‘Sandy rules the West End’ fangirl, what I am saying is…. Michael worked a miracle to turn me into a Mook. Well, not strictly a Mook. I am a Moffson. Obviously. But the first time I saw him on stage, playing the role I have seen Sandy do many times… I knew he was special. So good in fact, that I have now seen Michael Valli five times. Originally going to see Sandy Valli and ending up being a fan of other Valli is a weird thing, and like I said before… it takes a good man to do that. So I know I have just bored you all to death but you really need to vote Michael for this Best Take Over thingy. He really deserves it.

Also, I know I haven’t done any stage door stories for quite a while (Trying to get back my dignity, each one gets worse….) but I can tell all of you that Matt Thorpe and Michael Watson have both rather enthusiastically announced they are up for Magic Mike the musical. Just writing this down in black, white and internet so they can’t back out. But first , let’s have at least one more year of Michael doing his best take over act ;-)

What else has happened?? …. I saw As You Like It….. Simon Lipkin was the saving grace for me. It wasn’t really my thing. Having said that, the cast were extremely talented and I did get a letter handed to me because I was a tree. Apparently. What I didn’t know was that I was actually supposed to take the letter. I just stared at it for quite some time while the actor guy looked extremely uncomfortable. In the end my friend who had seen it before had to nudge me and say…. “take the damn letter!!” . So I did, and then I said something and the very embarrassed friend piped up again…. “You’re not supposed to talk to him….” Ooops.

Think it’s probably best I give Shakespeare a miss in future.

I also managed to see the Rock Of Ages tour. Along with Ed Sheeran, this was also a blog I started to write many times but couldn’t finish. I was all for the tour as many of you know. I was excited. I knew it wouldn’t be the same as the West End cast but was excited for new faces and new talent, along with the familiarity of it all.

I’m not a negative reviewer, (In fact, I am not a reviewer in any shape or form, just a fangirl…….) , so I won’t go into detail about my feelings on when I actually saw the show. The cast were fabulous and they all performed their hearts out but it just wasn’t for me. Not that I would blame that on the show itself either, I got lost in London and turned up thirty five minutes late for the show which I have never done!! Only to be seated next to a rather enthusiastic guy who smacked me in the face a few times when he tried to dance.

Dan Fletcher was brilliant as always and out of the entire experience that day, he made it worth the face slaps and the getting lost and the getting soaked to the bone and having a cold a few days later. It’s funny how everyone becomes a critic when they see a show. They all have a right to an opinion of course, they paid money to watch a show and their thoughts are their own. But having seen obnoxious comments like…. “Cam is the best Franz” and such, I will make my own opinion known and just leave with it with a big ear shattering…. NO.

Cam is the best Franz in OPINION. , Not in fact. And that is where people go wrong, when they think their opinion is fact. No. Opinion is not fact, merely a preference. I am sure you all know my opinion. My opinion is that Cam Sharp, having met him a few times and seen him perform a few times is an absolute talented gem of a man. But the part of Franz without Sandy Moffat is like Sandy Moffat without sexy legs. Franz without Sandy is like a world without chocolate. Sandy and his portrayal of Franz is one of the reasons I became a huge fan of Rock Of Ages and nobody, probably like Tommy DeVito without Jon Boydon….. can compare to him. That is my opinion. And it is an opinion I will share with anyone in a non bitchy, non factual way.

So there.

That same day I saw tour Rock Of Ages also turned into one hell of a night. From having such a bad afternoon, to spending the night with Jus…. it was fab. We walked around London , laughed til we cried and ate giant chocolate buttons. We also had a drunk girl puking her guts up right in front of us but never mind about that.

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I also managed to find me a new fella – as you can see. Look at the desperation in my face as I clutch my buttons and pretend to kiss a statue. Brilliant. But still, Paddington did turn out to be a much better bloke than the guy I was seeing. So let’s drink to that.

I saw Noel Fielding!! My face hurt from laughing. I don’t know what was funnier, his act in general or the fact we all had to hold hands with the person next to us during a part of the show. Not so bad for me, I was sat in between one of my best friends and her brother, it turned out fine. My friend however , was stuck next to a greasy haired miserable teenage goth dude who had been sneezing and coughing into his hand all night…. so she wasn’t thrilled at that.

I used to be a big fan of The Mighty Boosh. You may have guessed that. The shows weird, I’m completely sane…. so it made sense. But I thought I may have grown out of that humour. To be honest, I didn’t much get into Noels luxury comedy thing he did, so I wasn’t sure what I would make of the show. It was hilarious. I cried with laughter. Actually,  you know when you can’t breathe through laughing? That. I thought I would need oxygen or something and as someone who has suffered with asthma, whose daughter has asthma and whose Dad has nearly died three times through asthma and needing oxygen, i’m not saying that lightly. I couldn’t breathe through giggles. What a way to go.

“How did she die?”

“She kind of erm… laughed herself to death at a Noel Fielding show.”

Any guy that can drag out a story about when he had a dream that he was a non nondescript herbal tea bag in the back of a cupboard for at least half an hour is comedy gold really.
I had the littles parents evenings. Some of you might remember that last year I wrote a whole blog dedicated to that years parents evening and how proud I was.

The same still stands this year. My children are beautiful, kind, loving and incredibly smart. I got lucky. The last few months, going it alone with them has been tougher than it has ever been….. but at the same time…. I know I’m still doing something right.

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I love them with all my heart. Even the hole in my heart. That is even covered with love for them. How impressive is that? I know it is possible because science discovered it. And by science I mean… me. In my brain. I discovered that holes in a heart can feel love. I will probably be famous for that.

Right now…. I am missing my friends. The ones that live near and far. I haven’t had much time for any of them recently. And that makes me sad. Work has been so full on and then it’s the kids, I just need more hours in the day. But Ali, Lizzy, Jus …. Paps….. I love you all. 2015 I will write as my new years resolution – Must try harder!!!!

Speaking of friends…. I have a newbie who waltzed into my life this year. A fellow JB girlie and all out theatre fan. https://twitter.com/Carnfarmer . She actually posts some great reviews on shows she has seen and is doing so well! She’s lovely and infectiously happy. Follow her on twitter and check out her posts!! She is also just amazing in general and will quite often message me to see if I am OK. Thanks smiler!! Here’s to theatre trips together in the next year!! <3

I think that is about it. This post was just rambles but why fix what isn’t broke? OK , so it’s not exactly a well running machine/blog either…. but anyway.

If I don’t blog before Christmas, have a good one, squeeze your loved ones and pig yourselves silly. Make loads of new years resolutions that you won’t stick to and have a cracking new years eve. If I do blog before Christmas then I will probably just repeat this paragraph so….. *shrugs*

Off to find some giant buttons. Catch you all later xxx