Don’t Ask Me!

Today, I had to pop in town for half hour alone. This is rare. I usually have two kids tagging along. Anyway, Lex had a party this afternoon, and another one tomorrow afternoon, so me … being a super disorganized Mother, decided to get the presents for said parties, TODAY. 

A spotty Leona and a not so spotty anymore Lex were watched by my sister as I ran for it to town. It was windy and drizzly, all factors that make my hair scream no. 

Anyway, at one of the roads into town, there is a set of traffic lights that take ABSOLUTELY ages. The journey would probably be ten minutes shorter if it weren’t for this set, but I firmly believe that you look more of a jackass running out into a busy road and nearly being knocked over, than waiting at a traffic light for the little green man to pop up and say hello. 

So there I was, waiting for the lights to change, when I see a nice looking guy walking up the street towards me. 

He was in a suit, he had ruffled blonde hair and glasses. He looked like a blonde Clarke Kent. He was fit. 

Just before he got to me, he pulled out a tiny map book and started squinting down the road and looking at the book, then looking at me. 

He was lost. 

I went into panic mode. I’m absolutely shit at giving directions. I kept thinking in my head ‘Please don’t ask me, please don’t ask me’ …
I am a disaster, the last thing I need is an attractive guy asking for directions.

There were three other people by this time waiting for the lights to change. One was an elderly man, and the others were a Mother and a son in a buggy who went by the name of TJ. I know this because TJ kept trying to climb out of the buggy, and she kept laughing as if it were really funny that he was trying to launch himself out of a buggy and into a hugely busy road. “Oh TJ , stop it.” “TJ, we will be crossing soon, be a good boy” “Oh TJ you are funny” 

Hilarious. 

I kept thinking, fit guy won’t ask me, fit guy won’t ask me. Except for, he walked right up to me, and to my horror, asked for directions. 

I was so gutted that he chose me out of everyone, that I didn’t hear him properly and had to ask him to repeat it. Then when he did, I scared the poor man to death. 

“Oh , oh!! I know where that is!” I grinned at him MASSIVELY. I was beyond chuffed. He could tell I was pleased , as I shouted in his ear and he jumped in fright. 

“So erm… where?”

“You walk down this road, then down there, then over this bit, then to the left.” Or some such nonsense. And all the while I was thinking, wow, you are really hot. He thanked me, then walked off down the road. 

At least, that is what I would have liked to happen.

But instead, he had to cross the road with me to get to where he was going, and as we did so, I stood or rather… fell, ankle deep into a puddle, and nearly got run over and BEEPED at because the little green man was no longer green, he was red.

And just to put the cherry on top, as the guy, who by this point had easily overtaken me after watching me get wet and nearly killed,  turned around to say thanks again, I bumped into four teenage hooligan all with hoodies, who started very loudly taking the piss out of me for ‘not seeing them there’. 

And this my friends, is a cautionary tale. Never give directions to a hot guy, you will humiliate yourself. 

Day two of an ill Leona and we have had gems such as ….

“What if my spots get infected and then they have to put me in a special bath of chemicals in a lab with a mad science guy who will then sell me to aliens?” (I would usually expect that from Lex, but she is ill so I will let her off.)

And this one when I got back from town. 

“Oh Leona, you have a temperature and you look knackered. I’ll give you some medicine, then you can have a sleep.”
“I can’t sleep now, what if i’m not tired later?”
“You will be, you are ill. Being ill makes you tired, so you can sleep now and later.”
“But then what if I end up sleeping during the day and not at night and then I end up like Hollys Mum?”
Holly’s Mum is a nurse….. she has to work at night. It’s a bit different.”
“How do you know I’m not a nurse?”
Just a wild guess…..”
“Did Lex sleep when he had the chicken pox in the day?”
“Yup.”
“When I was at school?”
“Yup.”
**folds arms in a huff** 
“Lucky for some.” 
**Asleep within ten minutes of the conversation.

I haven’t had any dislocated fingers since I last blogged, so that is awesome. I can barely stay awake today due to the fact that after the kids went to bed last night around 7ish, I stayed up until 2am writing. And I will probably do the same tonight, if anyone wants to join me. Hard work and motivation is key. And right now, I am motivated. Motivated in a sleepy kind of way. But that still counts, right? 

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The_Written_Laura

Inventing the world that's passing by.

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