My children are genuinely the funniest things I have ever met in my life.
Yesterday, I bumped into a friend on the street. She was then on her way to the shop and told me she had won some money on the Euromillions. She said it was £6 .
So I went ‘Ah, that’s great. It’s better than a kick in the face.’
We say goodbye and start walking home. Lex is looking rather serious.
“Mummy, I don’t think you should ever do the lottery like that woman. I’m never going to do it either.”
“Oh, why is that then?”
He literally shuddered and looked really worried.
“Because if you don’t win anything, they kick you in the face.”
I was baffled by this because I forgot I had even said this.
“What?! Who kicks you in the face?!”
“The shop workers where you go and collect the money. If you have a ticket that didn’t win, they kick you in the face.You just said it yourself.”
This folks, is why you need to form your words carefully around children!!
“Ah, it’s just an expression sweetie. They don’t really do that. Nothing happens if you don’t win.”
“Oh. Because I did think it was a bit mean to get a kick in the face. I mean, not only do you not get any money, you get hurt as well. I was wondering why people would want to do that.”
The next half an hour was definitely spent explaining that nobody ever gets hurt when they don’t win the lottery.
Lex and his sister decided to pose like models. Lex looks unbelievably camp right here. It’s brilliant.
This morning over breakfast , Leona and Lex were having a chinwag.
Leona: Lex, did you know chewing gum and bubblegum are made out of trees.?”
Lex: “Mum, Yona said chewing gum and bubblegum is made of trees. Is it?”
Before I could even shake my head to say no, Leona cuts in.
“It is, It really is. What else would it be made of?”
Lex thinks about it for a minute, I really should put them out of their misery but it;’s hilarious.
“I thought it was made of blue tac.”
To be fair, he’s closer than Leona 😉
When I tried to explain what it was made of, Leona crossed her arms and told me that one of her friends had told her it was made of trees and her friend was always right about everything because she told her that Harry from One Direction nearly married Taylor Swift and it was true because Leona saw a picture of them together once so there.
So yes. I lost the argument based on the fact that Taylor Swift and Harry Styles once dated. I mean, I’m not sure how that is related to the fact that chewing gum isn’t made from trees, but apparently they tie in together somehow.
She got bangs. Yeah, I call them bangs. I like to pretend I’m a cool American sometimes y’all.
Also, this morning I had a conversation with my sister.
Me: “How come, when somebody talks about a collection of animals , they are described them as like… Cows, and when it’s just one animal it’s a Cow. Or Cats…. Cat, Or….. Horses… Horse. But then, when you describe a group of sheep, it’s sheep. And when you describe a single sheep, it’s still a sheep. A single sheep should be a shep or something. Or a group should be sheeps. That really bugs me.”
She took a sip of her tea and just stared at me. After a minute of silence where I thought she was genuinely thinking about it , she just said….
“And you seriously wonder why your kids are nuts?”
After thinking about it, she probably has a point.