A Non Bucket List

Most people in life have a list right? Of all these things they have to do before they die. I have one. But I’m not calling it a bucket list because I always associate that term with morbid things, and even though none of us are going to get out of this world alive, I would rather just call this a list. A non bucket list.

I thought I would share it with you all. You can thank me another day. A few things have happened in my personal life recently that have really got me to thinking what I have to do before I get beamed up by the good light from the film in Ghost. Patrick Swayze waiting for me is optional but as long as I don’t get dragged away like that curly headed physco dude then it’s fine.

Anyway…… My in no particular order non bucket list goes a little something like this.

1: Travel to A Wizard Of Oz, tell the Tinman some home truths about just how annoying those squeaky sounds of his are, and fall asleep in the pretty field of poisonous flowers. But as this is a ‘I wish’ scenario, I want no part of a Wicked Witch having a hand in this and I want to wake up of my own accord with no hideous long term side affects.


2: Open my own bakery. The only thing with this is i’m a rubbish baker. But I thought I could sell sweets and supermarket shop cakes. And Kingsmill bread. I doubt anybody would know the difference, and I truly believe I would rock a bakers hat.


3: For a whole week run, I would like to play Tommy DeVito at Jersey Boys. I’m not too fussed whether I get picked up for the West End or Broadway production for this,. I feel like I could bring a whole new level to the character/In real life person. I would add boobs for a start.I can shake my hips a quarter as good as Jon Boydon can and the added bonus of playing Tommy for a week would mean that I would fancy myself. And somebody has to. So I would fangirl over me to the max.


4: One day, I would like to open all the bananas in the world and replace the banana meat with mushrooms. Not magic mushrooms. I don’t believe in drugs. Well that’s a lie. I believe in them. They are about. They are just not nice. So I don’t condone them. Anyway, that is neither here nor there. These banana skins will be filled with real edible mushrooms. Not poisonous ones. I wouldn’t want to make anyone ill.

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5: One day, I would like to walk up to Dappy …. (You know Dappy… N-Dubz fame, few arrests here and there, awful clothes) and tell him that although I am sure underneath all the chav, he is probably a decent person….. then I would grab his hand and write ‘I have a silly name’ on his hand in pen. No. In Sharpie. And hopefully that would really show him. (I am also aware Dappy is a stage name. But it is still the most stupid thing I have ever heard that I just can’t accept it.)


6: While we are on the subject of talented musicians (Ahem. Cough cough. Splutter. nice chap though. Thoroughly lovely. If you just get past the awfulness.) I would like to add myself to that list. The talented musician list. I want to be known for writing such songs as Don’t Stop Me Now, Imagine and Smells Like Teen Spirit.


7: I want to pop my Nandos cherry.


8: I want to steal Hugh Jackman away from the wife that he absolutely adores, but still be loved and respected by everyone because they know that me and him together makes sense. I would also like to remain friends with the wife as she is one of the coolest women ever to have roamed this planet. I mean, not only did she bag Hugh Jackman, she just seems pretty damn wonderful so I really have envisioned my stealing Hugh as a peaceful time for all those involved.


9: I definitely want to be proposed to by a penguin with a red rose. No wait, I mean… I want my fella to propose to me. Not the penguin. But I want him to hire a penguin. Who is holding a red rose.


10: Which brings me to my final list item.

I want my two children to know how much I love them and how unbelievably proud of them I am. I want them to go through life with as few problems as they can and I want them to have a smile and a kind word for everyone. I want them to be the type of people that care. The type of people who will be loved by all. They already are. I just want it to continue. I want them to know that my love for them will burn brighter than a billion stars in the sky ever could. And I want them to know that they are my everything.

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Inventing the world that's passing by.

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