Woah!!

And no, I can’t come up with a more original or interesting title than that so don’t even ask. I am currently awestruck. But more on that later.

So today started off pretty damn cute actually. After all the fun (and stress) of the Christmas holiday…. (and by holiday, I mean holiday for the kids…. I worked through bloody most of it), today it was time for the littles to put those ever so boogey green jumpers back on, get their backpacks on their backs and head off to school.

Leona – She’s absolutely fine with this just so ya know. She loves school. She loves school so much that sometimes, when she asks if she really has to have the weekend off …. I wonder what I am actually doing wrong! But Alex…. my little Lex man….. he’s a bit more reluctant with the whole school thing. He tried to explain it today actually…. as he tiptoed up to me before I had gotten out of bed. He was up before me,probably due to nerves.

When he saw that I was half way out of bed, he jumped on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. (This time is precious. The day he doesn’t want hugs from me anymore will be ….. no. Stop. Too emotional.)

Me: Morning! Are you all excited for school??

Lex: Yes and no. Yes because I get to see my friends again and I suppose the work we learn is useful. So they tell me. (You can tell that this little 6 year old totally thinks the teachers are conspiring against every student in the world.)

Me: Yes!! It will be good to see your mates and knowledge is power.

Lex: *Looks at me blankly*

Me: But why aren’t you looking forward to going back?

(This is going to melt you all…. these were his actual words……..)

Lex: Because I can’t give you squeezy hugs all day of course.

Me: Aww! But ya know, over Christmas you actually didn’t give me squeezy hugs all day. You played with your new toys and stuff. So you can’t really say that is why you aren’t excited for school can you?

Lex thinks about this and then turns his huge blue eyes on me…. all puppy doggish.

Lex: Well then you should probably let me stay off today. Just today. We can catch up on hugs. I will even let you play on my D.S…….

As tempting as that all was, an hour and a half later we were out the front door ready to go. Little stinking charmer.

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As I rounded the corner just at the bottom of my road with the two littles steaming ahead…. I bumped into hot Dad number 242. Yes, fine…. I know I have probably spoken about hot Dads before. And hot men in general. But this one is really hot…. he is always suited and booted and has flecks of grey in his very dark hair. He’s tall and has sparkly eyes and is just absolutely dreamy. So anyways….. the ground was frosty and icy. It was a beautiful morning. Sunny with frost. I love those types of days. The world can look stunning. It can look even better with added hot Dad number 242.

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But because I am stupidly clumsy and find it difficult enough to not fall over on a normal non icy day…. I was a bit freaked out when hot Dad stopped to wait for me. I never look cool in front of people, especially dudes like this.

Anyway… pleasantries were exchanged about Christmas and all that jazz, and I didn’t fall over. I very nearly walked into a huge pile of squelchy dog shit…. but the point is though, I didn’t. So I made it to school with no mishaps and then started walking back with him, very proud that I hadn’t ballsed up as yet. Five minutes down the road, I suddenly remembered that I wasn’t supposed to be walking home but going to the shops and posting some letters off. All the boring stuff. But it was in the complete opposite direction. He definitely looked at me a bit funny when I loudly and randomly announced that I had went the wrong the way and had some things to do….. but still, I can’t stress enough that for me….. this is all acceptable and normal.

I go shopping, post office, do all my bits I need to do….. then start walking back half an hour later. As you have probably gathered, he lives just round the corner from me so I had to walk past his to get to mine. As I did so, he was putting his wheely bin out. All romantic things happen when people do this. Forget all that stuff you see in the movies, twinkly stars and candle lit dinners. Oh no, real romance can be found at a stinky household wheely bin.

I stopped and held up my shopping bag to indicate I hadn’t been lying, he just looked bemused. Then he said something horrific.

“Do you want to come in for a coffee??”

No guys, no. Not that kind of coffee. The honestly normal lets do coffee coffee. That type.

The words were horrific because so far, so good. I hadn’t made a twat out of myself (not a huge twat anyway…..) and I didn’t want to ruin that so I said the worst thing that I could ever say.

“Ah. That would have been lovely but I have to put my shopping away and then ermmm….. eerrrrrr….. well, I need to wash my hair.”

I had told him earlier that I had a day off so I couldn’t use work as an excuse. So I naturally said that age old line of washing my hair. That’s right….. Laura the dickhead made an appearance.

Then….. you know when somebody completely over compensates for what they just said and goes all awkward…… I was all….

“But another time would be great! Hey , you should come to mine. I love coffee on a normal basis…… Just today is a real wash the hair type day and just….. (stop talking. Now.)

Safe to say I probably won’t be invited back for a coffee by him in the near future. Or indeed any future.

Remember how I was desperately appealing for somebody to come to the cinema with me on twitter like I was some starving third world charity case? Well it turned out that my sister finished work early, wanted to see the same film I did and thought we should go and grab some food before the show.

Sounded good to me. A nice simple night out with the little sis. What could possibly go wrong? The fact that I have a mouth I guess.

We sat in the pub (One of those two for a tenner jobs…. gotta keep things classy) and just as we had taken a seat…. this energetic and quite frankly bit of alright waiter came bounding over to us asking what we wanted to drink. We decided to get an alcoholic one and told him what we would like where he then proceeded to ask for ID, which is completely fair enough due to the fact Anna only turned 18 last year and I …. according to most people….. look about twelve. (Thanks everyone.) So what should have been a simple ‘Show the guy your ID so he can go get our drinks’ naturally turned into a half hour chat.

It was all about how I look young for my age and how he had the same problem ….. (Although sorry to break it to him, though he was gorgeous… I would have put him at around the 40 mark. I find it highly unlikely he gets ID’d anywhere.) And I think just general life things were spoken about while Anna absolutely cringed in horror. She hates going places with me because we always end up in weird situations.

The waiter brought our drinks over and of course, more chat was had. After that…. every five minutes…. he would come by our table to check up on us. The surrounding tables looked mightily confused as he wasn’t doing it to all of us.

We ordered the food where naturally we got onto a rude conversation about burgers…. (?! ….I spoke to the waiter more than my sister probably. Oooops.) and ten minutes later, the food was brought over.

He said that he would be back in five minutes to check how our food was and I kid you not, he waited approximately 45 seconds before running to our table again and asking how the food was. By that point I had eaten half of a boiling chip and Anna hadn’t even opened her sauce so he was keen.

He stopped by twice more after this to ask about the food. He caught me at my most sexy when I had half a chip dangling from my mouth and some kind of greasy oil over my hands. I told him mid chip that I liked to be classy at all times and he roared with laughter. I tried not to take it heart. Then we spoke about how wonderfully annoying little sisters are. While my little sister was sat opposite.

Anyway….. the waiter was very fun and I left him a tip of 69p Don’t get offended at the cheapness. 69 was one of the subject matters of the evening so…….

Moving on.

We still had an hour til our film was due to start so we went upstairs in the cinema to grab a starbucks. I do love my starbucks. Anyway, Anna went to get a table and I queued up. The lady in front of me ordered a tea, and when she came to pay for it, it was one pound 85. (My pound sign has decided to give up on me. I bet you are all gutted about that one. Maybe I will use the dollar sign instead but then it would make it a whole different price and no…. No OK . I just won’t go into all of that.)

So she hands the till man over some money and he waits for a while and they stare at each other awkwardly until he says…. I need 25p love. She then realises she handed him a one pound and one of those trolley token things shaped like a pound. So he handed it back to her and she found 60p in her purse and gave him that. I wasn’t being nosey but I could see her purse was completely empty minus the trolley token and she was mortified, then she said that she didn’t have any more and she didn’t have her card on her either.

She only needed 25 p so I dug it out of my purse and handed it to her, the poor woman looked like she was going to cry. She was ever so grateful and said thanks many times. Then when I was being served the till man started congratulating me on being the best person in the world (I know… I know…..) and that he hoped I was proud of being a good person. Then he told his three surrounding starbucks workers the heroic tale of what I had just done and by their faces…. you would have thought I had just cured some terrible disease. Is the world really such a bad place now that most people wouldn’t hand over 25p to a lady who was clearly out of money? I am pretty sure everyone I know would have done the same thing and they ended up telling the whole queue what I did and it was bloody mortifying. Really, it was awful. Not even sure why I am retelling that ….. it really was a ‘Please swallow me up ground’ situation but probably not quite as bad as that time I drooled about Sandy Moffats legs to his face or told Michael Watson that I didn’t have children when I was 12…….

Anna decided to take my picture in Starbucks…. obviously I was a now a national treasure and should be photographed accordingly.

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This is my ‘I did it for the people’ pose. I need to practice it for when the press come a knocking. It had been a pretty nice day all round…. but I had no idea that the smile was about to fade…..

Oh my shitting hell you guys.

So ….. Let’s all take a seat and talk about The Theory Of Everything shall we???

If you haven’t seen it…. Go. If you are on the fence and can’t make up your mind…. Go. If you don’t want to see it, I couldn’t give a flying crap…… Go. Seriously.

It was….. It was beautiful. But no. Because it wasn’t. It was hugely depressing and harrowing. And yet it wasn’t. It was uplifting and sunshiney. But it wasn’t because it was awful.

I will give you a brief (history of time…. see what I did there?) OK  That was awful . Back to it…..

The Theory Of Everything is of course…. a film about Stephen Hawking, his rise to fame and the decline of his body due to the awful Motor Neurone Disease.

If Eddie Redmayne doesn’t get the Oscar for his INCREDIBLE portrayal of Stephen Hawking ….. It will be a cruel injustice. It will be on a par with Michael Watson not winning Best Take Over for his role as Frankie Valli in the hugely popular West End production of Jersey Boys…. running at the Piccadilly Theatre. Catch it now and vote!!! (I had to throw it in somewhere, and no … Michael is not paying me for this promotion. He has however, as previously stated in another blog, agreed to more naked pictures if he wins so you know you all have to vote. Also… because he actually deserves it, not just because I want to see his chest again.)

Back to Eddie. Wow. Woah. Hence the name of the post. Fucking amazing. What a talent that boy is. Sure, being a huge Les Mis fan… I already knew it….. but I didn’t know it THAT much. I can’t explain just how good he is. You have to watch the film and see for yourselves. Just thinking back to it now is making me want to sob and run through a field of daisies at the same time. I know nothing about acting…. but I do know that Eddie Redmayne is a hell of a one. The emotions he invoked in me tonight were something else entirely.

And I’m not sure at what point, but somewhere through the film… I wasn’t watching it thinking…. ‘Oh, Eddie is so good…..’ No. I was watching it thinking….. ‘Wow, Stephen Hawking is really an absolutely remarkable man.”

Eddie is that amazing that I believed he was Stephen. It was astonishing.

Felicity Jones as Jane Hawking deserves a mention as well. She was beautiful, elegant and classy. I hope she gets a fair few nods in the awards season.

I’m not here to review the film. I am not a reviewer in any case and I want you…. or even desperately need you to see the magic of that film for yourselves.

When I walked out of that cinema… I didn’t know if I should sob for all eternity or sit and look at the stars in wonder for hours. I didn’t know whether to yell at the world about what a cruel place it is or thank it for the beauty.

It was so deeply and profoundly moving that I can’t begin to cover it. No words will do it justice. You know it’s a hard hitting one when grown men are crying next to you.

As for me…. it took me about 30 minutes before I was in pieces. If only somebody had warned me to save my crying energy for ALL of the film I probably wouldn’t have been so knackered towards the end.

We all know Stephen Hawkings famous quote.

“While there is life, there is hope.”

And really…. I have no more to add. I’m off to think about life and black holes and strong people facing struggles every single day and how I can make the world a better place and how I’m no good at physics but how I will give it a good go. No … wait, actually…. I’m off to sleep.

The profound stuff can wait until tomorrow!!

xx

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The_Written_Laura

Inventing the world that's passing by.

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