First Comes Love….Then Comes Marriage….

It’s been a while since I’ve updated!! I think the last post was made up of fit men and Jersey Boys…. Well, I don’t think. I know, Because that is the theme of most of the posts on this site. Also, since that post …I may or may not have seen Jersey Boys again once or twice. But for once…. I’m not here to say about how good and sexy all that stuff was, I’m here to talk about some other things.

I am here to give my opinion on which none of you will give a fuck on the worlds big issues. The world which we live in currently does indeed have issues. For the most part, I try to be a positive person. I really….REALLY…. try. It just doesn’t always work out that way.

Snap judgement. A snap judgement is a common thing. Do you guys ever look at someone and ‘think’ something about them when you know precisely zero facts about them? I have before. I have looked at people and made a judgement in my mind. And that makes me a shitty person because we shouldn’t be judging anyone. But the judging in my mind is where it stops. Because if I were to say it out loud….. that would make me an awful kind of human baked bean and nobody needs that. When snap judgements are spoken out loud, that is when people get hurt. It becomes dangerous.

The other day, as I stood behind the counter at Superdrug, looking out at the grey, rainy and miserable day….. a customer walked up to snap me out of my daydream about having a coffee with Hugh Jackman. (Fine, I was having mind sex with him, but that isn’t what is important here….. keep up people.) The customer was a lady who looked to be in her late sixties (I could of course, be totally wrong……), she was wearing an outfit like people wear for horse riding…. and she had an air of snootiness about her.

I put on my best smile that has broken a thousand hearts this year alone (Not really……) and packed away her items she had just purchased in a bag. She looked out at the dreary weather and sighed.

“Oh gosh, it’s such a mare to have this weather when you line dry. I line dry everything. I have no time for tumble dryers and the sorts. Line drying makes everything so much fresher you know.”

I nod politely while handing her the bag. She then thinks it appropriate to lean over the counter, invading my personal space and gave me a patronizing grin.

“Of course, you wouldn’t know about that would you. I expect your Mummy does it all for you.”

Yes, she used the word Mummy. I blinked in shock, wondering if I was hearing things. I managed to stumble out a ‘Huh?’ …. She rolled her eyes.

“Your Mummy. I expect she does all your washing so you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about. You young girls of 16-18….you are always getting your Mummy to do these things for you.”

She laughed. An annoyingly loud and snotty laugh that made me want to shove her radox bubble bath where the sun don’t shine.

“Actually…. I’m older than I look.”

I could have said many things. I could have said that I have been doing my own washing since I was twelve. I could have said that on a daily basis I wash the clothes of the two children I’m bringing up. I could have said that her comment was uncalled for because for all she knew, my Mum might not be with us anymore. (She is, but I have a few friends who lost their Mums and I found her comment highly insensitive and insulting for many , many reasons.)  Instead, I just left it at that. There is no way I was about to divulge personal facts about my children to this snooty old bag.

She raised an eyebrow.

“How old?”

Now it was my turn for the smug grin, knowing that what I was about to say would shock her….. (Seriously people……. I’m an adult. Why do you all find that so hard to believe?! Don’t answer that. Rhetorical question…….)

“I’m 28.”

Her face was quite the picture.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m 28. TWENTY EIGHT. I’ve been doing my own washing for years love.”

I am positive the next five minutes was just her standing there going …..

“No you are not, you’re not 28. There is no way you are that age. I had you at 18 at the most. That is shocking. Wow.”  Repeat 25 times.

I just stood there, nodding politely again, praying for another customer so this woman could be on her way. But nobody came.

“Please tell me you have a husband?”

I looked at her blankly and muttered the old ‘Huh’ again. To which she rolled her eyes. Again.

“I said, please tell me you have a husband. You can’t make it to twenty eight and not be married.”

The look on her face told me that the thought of me being twenty eight with no marriage was almost as bad as when Madonna fell off the stage at the Brits. Only worse. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw another customer coming my way so stupidly…. I kind of nodded. More to get her out of the way so I didn’t lose my temper, not because I was agreeing with her. She then tutted loudly.

“You aren’t wearing a ring.”

I shrugged.

“Lost it.”

I muttered really quietly. I meant my patience. With her. But luckily she didn’t find that bit out as she walked away before I could potentially get myself sacked for letting rip at the woman.

Why the flying fuck does it matter to her if I’m married or not? Why does it matter that I have no husband at the grand old age of twenty eight?! In fact…. why would it matter to her if I had no husband at sixty eight? What business is it of hers??

The way she just presumed things about me was ridiculous. Why would anybody say such stupid things to a stranger?I mean…. when the lady first walked up to the counter, I made a snap judgement about her…in my mind. I thought she looked in her late sixties. I could have been wrong. She may be in her early forties. (I seriously doubt that though!!) I also thought she had an arrogant and snooty air about her. But….but but but…… I didn’t tell her those things. Because sometimes, you just don’t need to say everything you are thinking. If we all said what we initially thought of people, there would be many hurt people walking this planet.

There really is no need to be nasty to people. I will never understand why people do it. Back in my hairdressing days, I had a client with a huge visible lump on her head She knew it was there, I knew it…. everyone else could see it as well. Would there have been any need for me to point it out to her? Of course not!!! Because it’s not a done thing to do and most importantly because this woman was a gem. She cared about everyone and everything and had an infectious laugh. Plus, she never once came in and said to me…. ‘Ergh, you look hideous and snotty’ during one of my regular hayfever bouts or ‘What the hell are you wearing today? You look ridiculous.” So why would I say anything to her? Yes it is an entirely different situation….but my point is….. stop the judging and nastiness.
I’m not a saint. I don’t think anyone is. We all secretly think things about people we encounter. I mean…. I see gorgeous men in the street….but I don’t go up to them and say…. “Phwoarrr, you’re fit.” (Unless of course they are Sandy Moffat or Michael Watson and the likes…..) . So it works both ways. You just don’t need to say everything. Sometimes, words are better left unsaid.

So to the lady who thought I was too young and stupid to do my own washing and believes that unless you are married at a young age you are failing in life….. Tip for you – Button it. Thanks love.

On the same sort of subject…. this week, one of my littles had her hair chopped off.

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The girl has been wanting ‘Taylor Swift’ hair for bloody ages now. She has always liked her hair shorter, on her shoulders. But recently, she has been growing it. All of the girls in her class have longer hair and it’s unusual to see a girl of her age with this hair style. Before Leona had the cut, we had a talk and she wanted to know why people thought that girls were beautiful with long hair. Why couldn’t girls have shorter hair and still be beautiful. Basically, the eight year old mind is questioning why we live in such a shallow world. I tried to explain that she didn’t need to try and fit in with the others. That as long as she’s a nice person and treats everyone with respect, it didn’t matter how the hell she had her hair. What matters is inside. I also explained to her that she was beautiful with long or short hair. I probably went a bit over the top when I said she would still be beautiful covered in snot and rotten eggs.

But isn’t a shame that a girl as young as eight was afraid of having her hair cut the way she prefers it? Isn’t that just horrible? It’s a sign of the times we live in. And it doesn’t get better. I wish I could wrap her up and tell her things get better. But ….. they don’t. I mean….. I’m not stupid. There will be a day when one or both of my kids come home because somebody has said something nasty to them. They still have to go through high school as yet and that is a cruel world to be in sometimes. At the time, you think it is just you being picked on , that the world is against you. You don’t realise until you are older that everyone was in the same boat. I bumped into a girl from school a while back. She was popular and had some wonderful high school years. But she had a nasty rumour made up about her one day that she had a hairy chest. That may sound laughable and kiddish now….but it obviously hurt her at the time. It is something everyone goes through at some point and I can’t shield the littles from everything.

At the moment, my kids are in a great position. They are both well liked, bright and kind. Their friends love them to pieces. And even though Leona was initially worried about going for shorter hair….. it turned out that her friends loved it and two of them said they want to have it done now. But when the day comes they do get hurt by cruel words, all I can do is insist the words aren’t true and make them face the world with courage and love in their hearts. Because that is all that matters.

I read an article the other day about the parents who got leg tattoos because their little girl had a large leg birthmark and they wanted her to feel like she fit in. There has been a huge divide in if it was the right thing for the parents to do. Some people think it was an exceptional show of love, others thought it was over the top and unnecessary.

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My little man has a large birthmark on his back. It means that every time he goes swimming, or gets changed in P.E, or even crouches down to get something…. people can see it. It means that last summer, as he ran around in his swimming shorts at the local water sprinkler park, I had some parents stare in confusion and then look at me. It looks like a huge purple bruise on his lower back. I always describe it as an upside down square heart. It’s a surface birthmark and has been tested when he was a babe to make sure there were no underlying issues with it. It’s right in the middle of his back. So as a parent to a little with a noticeably large birthmark on his body….. I get what the parents did. If that is the way they wanted to make their little girl feel better then good on them. I have always spoke to Lex about his birthmark and told him it just makes him unique. His birthmark is a part of him just as Leonas smallness is a part of her 😉 I have told him to tell people it’s his special birthmark if he is asked about it, which he has been many times by his friends at school. The reaction he has from other children has always been brilliant. His friends think it is the coolest thing and want one for themselves!! It’s the adults that are always going to be difficult…..having them staring at you because they think it’s a bruise or that he has been harmed. The parents in the article mentioned that they have had whispering and stares thrown their way because it looks like their little girl has been burnt or hurt in some way. So I do completely get why they did what they did. If that is the way they want to make their daughter feel better about herself then who are we to judge? Lex knows that his birthmark makes him different and he embraces it. As he has told me many times….nobody else has got it. It’s his and his alone. And it makes him beautiful just like Leona and whatever length her hair happens to be.

When a world that is so full of wonderful things focuses so negatively on the shallow things, it makes me sad. It shouldn’t be that way. Stop all the judging, stop all the staring and stop all the nastiness. And if you are judging somebody….just keep it inside in case you are so far with the wrong idea you can’t even find your way back to right.

Let’s all just be nice to each other and spread some love.

Also…. on a completely unrelated note…. I met Boycie today!!! Yes… Boycie of ‘Only Fools and Horses’ fame. Random and so bloody cool. Day made!!

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The_Written_Laura

Inventing the world that's passing by.

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