I’m Not That Girl

Thanks to those of you who read my last blog post!! It had a really good response and I just couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that despite me not having posted a blog for months…. people were still hanging on and waiting. So thanks again. You crazy people.

Just a teeny quick paragraph to say that I braved it on my own and rushed to a Sandy Valli Jersey Boys last weekend and boy am I glad I did. I hadn’t seen Sandy for so long due to work and other issues …. so I had missed him on stage. I randomly ended up sitting right next to Caroline and her Mum, and it was nice to feel not so alone even though I was alone at the theatre!! Sandy was on fire. To see how much he has grown since he first took over as Frankie V is quite something. He gave me goose bumps and proudness all over. Last Saturdays Can’t Take My Eyes Off You was the best I have ever seen it performed in any Jersey Boys show ….and yes folks, he is still dreamy. (I mean…..that was always a given wasn’t it?) I yet again had Jon Boydon as my Tommy DeVito, not breaking his run yet. Chris Stoddart was Bob Gaudio for my second time seeing him and Gary Watson as Nick was fantastic as per usual. P.S …. I would genuinely steal Gary Watson and face jail time. He is just ….. Ugh. I adore him.

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Anyway, yes…..Sandy was amazing and yesterday, if all of you heard weird cracks throughout the day…it was probably the sound of a million girls hearts breaking. Yes, yesterday Sandy Moffat officially ran off and got married. And not even to me. I know!! In fact, he didn’t run off. It was quite a planned thing. So congratulations to him and his new wife!! I hope they are very happy together. Love hearts and fairy tales all around.

Not sure if I mentioned before but I am obsessed with the Wicked soundtrack since being blown away by the West End production with the incredible Natalie Andreou playing Elphie. I have been listening to the songs non stop. Obviously you have all the big hitters such as Defying Gravity, Popular and One Short Day….but the whole show is full of very clever songs. Take ‘I’m Not That Girl’ for example. I love this song. The words in it really hit home to me every single time. I am pretty sure that all girls have maybe felt like this at some point in their lives. It is essentially about not being good enough. And I’m not just speaking in terms of being good enough for other people, more in being good enough for ourselves.

It is hard to love yourself sometimes. It is hard to even like yourself. But stories, songs, books, shows….they show us time and time again that it is only when we start accepting ourselves that other people will like us too. And it does happen like that in real life. At least in past experiences I have had anyway. There has to come a point where you stop moping, stop regretting, and stop freaking out about who you are and what you could do to improve yourself. There has to come a time where you are happy in your skin. The trouble is… in this day and age…. a huge amount of the world will say they are happy even if they aren’t.

And even though I am really writing this to encourage you all to love yourselves (I’m proper motivational ain’t I?) …. I am also saying it is OK to have a moment. A moment like Elphie in I’m Not That Girl. If we all walked around absolutely sure of ourselves it would be a pretty boring and predictable life wouldn’t it? Nowadays, people seem to think you are weak if you have a moment of ‘I’m not good enough’ …… even though those same people will have the same weak moments.

It’s OK to doubt yourself. It’s OK to be happy with yourself. But just live life and do both at some point.

Today I went to the beach with the littles. All I saw on this crowded beach were girls who were prettier than me, thinner than me, taller than me….probably smarter than me. While they sunned themselves in bikinis and swimming costumes, I ran after my two children in jeans and a bright yellow shirt and matching headband (because I’m quite cool like that…..) looking red faced from the heat and out of place. But then I scanned the crowd for a closer look and realised that after all that doubt….I fit in perfectly. There was the elderly gent walking along with his feet in the ocean, in a blazer and straw hat, just appreciating life. There was a lady of what would be considered a ‘bigger’ size strutting around in a bikini that was smaller than my shoelace. There were a group of teenage boys….five in all , taking the mick out of each other for varying reasons. But most of all…nobody was looking at me.

That is what we all get caught up in I think. Especially in those moments of doubt and weakness, we get caught up in paranoia. There is me freaking out, fully clothed in pretty bright choices, worrying like mad what that size eight blonde model in the bikini will think of me. But the truth of the matter is, she didn’t look up once. And what I hoped she would have seen is a happy family of three, Me and my two ever so gorgeous littles, enjoying the beach like everyone else.

I’m Not That Girl. I’m not a blonde tiny model. I’m not Hugh Jackmans wife. I’m not going to win any prizes for curing diseases. In fact, I’m not going to win any prizes for simple maths because I’m shit at it and my nine year old brings home work that I struggle with…….. I’m Not That Girl .

But I Am This Girl. And I think that right now….. being this girl is OK.

Even if it does mean I am the type of girl to take one lick of an ice-cream, trip over a stone and spill said ice-cream all down my boobs then get chased by a wasp while shouting and drawing attention to myself on a packed beach.

But like I said, I’ll take her for now.

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The_Written_Laura

Inventing the world that's passing by.

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